Hello again! This post is from a previous post where I edited out a portion of it because I felt I was getting off topic/ it was getting long. I believe what I wrote needs to be said because it may have been inspired. So here is the "lost post" as I can call it as I rediscovered it and am posting it now for your reading pleasure!
"I am also left with the knowledge of knowing how great God is! You
see, I'm not writing about SM to complain or vent or grief, I am writing to
show how God works in my life so others may be encouraged. You see, after the
break-up, I realized who I really was, where I was in my relationship with God,
and how my decisions truly effect those around me. It was a huge wake-up call!
It was through the loss of the wonderful woman SM, that God opened my eyes to
the fact that I had become 'lukewarm' in my walk with Christ. I had allowed sin
to make me complacent with who I was and where I was going in life. Mind you
life was going according to 'plan' as I had always hoped to meet a girl in
university and eventually get married by 25 but that is not how life works. If
you have a plan or an idea, you can't just expect it to happen, you have to
work at it and do everything in your power to make it happen while God will
guide you every step of the way (if it is in His will)(Prov 16:9). Since losing
SM, I've realized that I can't just LET life happen, I must MAKE life happen.
So since then, I have drawn closer to God by reading scripture and praying
daily (usually start my day with it) to ensure that I give time to God and be
filled with the Spirit and truly be a Man of God.
Now I apologize for the long post but there is so much to say
about this since SM was my 'first love' and this whole ordeal has changed my
life for the better."
To elaborate on this, I would just like to say that I honestly thank God for all the time I spent with Sarah in our friendship and relationship and I thank God for showing me what it takes to be a man in a woman's life. Clearly I wasn't all I could have been to her and she feel for another man which she went to after the final straw. As for me now, pursuing the Kingdom and becoming a Man of God is priority. God will lead me in the life everlasting which will be better than I could have ever imagined before.
Thanks for reading and please comment with praise, advice, or any prayer requests.
Today was the wedding of KM and TB and I wish I could have been there with everyone but unfortunately I couldn't make it. Weddings are such a great time. Those two will be so happy together because they have the most important thing to have in the relationship, the love of God. I PTL for the relationship they have and I wish them all of God's blessings for the rest of their lives together. So cute!
As for me being here, single and still trying to understand what that means for me and my life, I feel both a hurt and hope. I read a tweet a few months back that says the average person takes 7 months to get over someone so I guess I'm almost there haha. I'm usually good day to day saying my prayers for SM and hoping the best for her but those times I see or hear about her being with the new guy it still jolts the heart. That's what life is now though. She may have found everything she has been looking for which is wonderful for her considering it is what we all want. That special someone who we can love unconditionally because we know they are doing the same for us. I pray for SM and her relationship with MS because I do want the best for them and if this is God's plan for them both than all the blessing to them right. Why should I be selfish and want her when it is clear that it wasn't working. Who knows what the future holds but in the time being I need to be Christ-like and love her the same no matter what. Hopefully God's will has us being friends someday.
Even though I want to have a girl to love and cherish all the days of my life, I know that this may not be the time in my life for it. I've always thought of marrying young but now as I see life is shaping up, I feel I may have a larger purpose than to just be a family man who helps people in the community. With being single, I have nothing tying me down to a certain location so I could go anywhere and that is somewhat exciting since God could do anything! It is funny though that even though I realize God has a different plan for my life than I had thought all these years, I still kind of try to hold on to my plans. I still have that relationship mind set. For example, last week there was as snow day and I thought what a great date day it would be. To go for a sleigh ride, walk in the park, stay in and have a cozy day watching movies and have a lovely supper. I'm a hopeless romantic I suppose.
With regards to God's plan for my life, I have something to share with you. Back in November while listening to T-swift's song "Begin Again", I figured to set a date in the future that I believe may be a great day in my life. In the song it says:
"I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end, but on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it begin again"
Now I know this is silly but I thought it would be interesting to set a date and see if God will do something miraculous to show me how love can "begin again" in my life. Just a little exercise that I am excited to see how it turns out.
Verse of the Post:
No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, So I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. - Joshua 1:5-6
I have started Joshua this past week as I continue to try to read the Bible cover to cover so PTL for progress. Slow but still progress. These verses are encouraging because no matter what is happening in my life, the Lord always goes before me and is watching over me. All I need to do is have faith and be strong and courageous for God to use me.
Song of the Post:
Already explained above and this is one of many songs that I relate too in recent months. I look forward to the day God shows me where my true somebody is...out there somewhere. In the mean time my past is with somebody somewhere.
Thanks for reading and Happy Belated Valentines day haha.
All the best and God bless,
John
So this past week I rediscovered MSN messenger and decided to take a ponder into the past with it. Do you remember MSN? Everyone used to use it but now with facebook and text messaging there is no need for it. Anyway, I read over my message history with some people and I have come to the following conclusions:
1. I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself. Some of the conversations I had with people disgust me because the things I said and thought should not have come from a Christian's mind and I am so glad God has changed my heart and mind. "Who I am hates who I've been" for sure and it pains me to know that I was that way for so long and I could have been so much more by now if I didn't go down the paths I did.
2. I truly miss the friendship I had with my ex-girlfriend SM. I'll explain shortly
3. I was such a hopeless flirt haha. I always thought I was just being friendly because I would flirt with no intentions of dating but just to have fun and maybe make girls smile. I also had no game haha.
Anywho, one thing I did this past week was that I read through all of my MSN history with my ex SM from our first year university all the way up to August 2009 and it was so neat to see our friendship progress. After reading all of it I truly realized the friendship I lost with SM. After the break up I have gone over the good time of us dating as well as the times I could remember when we were friends before dating. But now I have had so many memories and experiences we shared come back to me and it is sad to see that SM and I are no longer friends. It our conversations were cute though. The back and forth of "what's up" and "how was your day/weekend?" and my occasional flirting and her story telling of things that happened in her life. What was remarkable was how close we became over the couple of years. We would support each other spiritually by praying for each other and sharing fears and thoughts and I really appreciated that. We were so comfortable to talk to each other about our faith and our lives. She was one of my best friends without a doubt. It was for all these reasons that I decided I wanted to date her even though I may not have been ready spiritually to do so.
There are also so many memories and inside jokes that came up while I read our history:
1. SM calling me a jerkface, stomping her feet, and her "grunt". The grunt was a personal favorite. If you ever got to hear and see her doing it, it is priceless. So funny and cute.
2. Our Revelations bible study that we tried to do in 1st year and keep up over the summer. At least I finished the Book over the summer haha
3. Being there for her through her relationship with JB (not Justin Beiber haha). It was funny to read how they started dating and how happy she was to start dating him and how mad she was after they broke up. I was so happy to be there for her when she needed to rant or talk. I'm always glad to help my friends and I was glad she was comfortable to come to me for support.
4. Our group camping trip in 2nd year at our buddy DL's house. Good times!
5. Our skype chats. Thanks SM for introducing me to skype.
Well I'm sure there is more to write about but it is getting late and I need to sleep. The only thing I'm sure of at this moment in time is that I miss my friendship with SM. The unknown future for us as friends or something more or whether I'm over her or not is all up in the air to me but like I said, the only thing I am sure of is that I miss our friendship. We became best friends and I threw it all away wanting a girlfriend and I was happy with her but unfortunately I made too many mistakes and broke her heart that she wanted me out of her life indefinitely which is the hardest thing to deal with. This won't be the last time I talk about SM since I have so much to say but thanks for reading. Verse of the Post:
Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. -2 Timothy 2:22
This verse came out of our conversation as we were talking and I really wish I practiced what I preached. In our conversations I would sound so wise but remembering back and seeing other message histories I clearly was being foolish. I was so happy for SM who kept me accountable and was such a great great Christian friend.
Song of the Post:
My girl T-Swift has so many good songs that can relate to SM and I's relationship and experiences so I thought "Fine, I'll pick one". I could easily make a playlist of songs that I have felt an attachment to since the break up (comment and I will do so!). So here is one. Actually the title of this post is one that is fitting but everyone has heard it. The one I chose I've related to pretty well and it is well done. It is a great cover of White Horse by Taylor Swift.
Thanks for reading and again comment and let me know what you would like to read!
All the best and God bless!
John
To add what I said yesterday!
Today I went to Emannuel Baptist Church up in Barrie, Ontario and there message came from Romans 1:16-25.
Courtesy of Biblegateway.com:
16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.17 For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last,[c] just as it is written: “The righteous will live by faith.”[d]
18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness,19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.25 They exchanged the truth of God for a lie,and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised.Amen.
This is what I was talking about yesterday! I'm glad to know Jesus as my personal saviour and to have His free gift of salvation of my life. I know at times in my life when I begin to have a "foolish heart" and put God aside in my life and sin creeps in like a lion waiting to pounce, I am so glad that God does bring me back to Him. He could just as easily let me fall into the "sinful desires" of my heart but He is always calling me back and thankfully I do eventually listen, after all I can't help but be foolish at times. It's sad to know that in my past I have pursued my sinful desires at times on purpose and at times accidentally and it sucks that those decisions to sin or let myself be tempted to eventually sin have effected my life the way they did. The bad part is I've been hurt because of it and I know others have been hurt by it too, in which I am deeply sorry. The good part is that the God allows us to make those decisions so that we understand that God is better than what we sinfully desire. When we realize that exchanging God for anything is the worst trade imaginable, we smarten up and seek Him first! I myself in the past couple years thought I was doing alright and looking back now I "thought I was wise, but actually became a fool". I am so glad God has worked in my life to change me for His glory. At times I miss what I had but I know God will give me more than He has taken away. Quote of the Post:
"If people change the truth of God into a lie and worship and serve the creature rather than the Creator, the whole order of nature is violated; for apart from the fear of God there is no power known that will hold the evil desires of the natural heart in check." H.A. Ironside
Heard this is church today and thought it is so true. If we don't trust and worship God for who God is, than we start to make up what we want God to be and that opens the doors to sin in our life and into our community. Song of the Post:
This song was played today and I just love worshiping God with it. Powerful and beautiful words and music!
No power of Hell, no scheme of man. Can ever pluck me from His hand. Till He returns, or calls me home. Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
So this week was pretty normal. Nothing spectacular but than again, I am so blessed in my life that everything that happens is spectacular in its own sense. So this week we started Module 3 at CMCC which includes our Head and Neck anatomy course. I mentioned this earlier this week but at the end of the week, the hours spent in class and lab for anatomy totaled 13 hours! That is a lot of anatomy in one week!
On a spiritual note, this week has really made me realize how hard it is to change without God. Last fall when I dove into God because of my revelations, I felt complete victory over sin. This past week I have had those thoughts in my head that, once you open the door to it, that sin will come on in and is tough to get rid of. It is discouraging when I fall into old habits but PTL because it is amazing how powerful God can be. On the days where I wake up late, or don't give time to God, I can really feel temptation trying to sneak into my life. When I take note of this and get back into the Word and prayer, God gives me strength and wisdom to walk away. I'll be honest to say that this week was a battle with victories and losses but as long as I remain steadfast in my faith, victory over sin will come. Well actually, Jesus is already victorious over sin! So all I have to do is stay close to Him and I'm golden!
This weekend I'm spending my time at my Aunt's place in Innisfil, Ontario. It's been good so far starting off with going to see my cousin's hockey team play. He's coaching the Richmond Hill select Atom team in a tournament and his son is playing on the team as well. It is so fun and cute to see those little guys play. That is definitely something I would like to get involved in is youth hockey. I plan on getting my coaching certification as well as my Trainer certification so I can help out with a team either as a coach or trainer. They won their game last night and it was a great time like I said. Today has been pretty chill but it started off awesome. The lake is frozen here so I got the shovel out and gave myself room to work with today out there. I tweeted about it and posted on FB as well with this picture:
Isn't that a beauty! I love skating outdoors because you get to enjoy the sights and sounds of the world, enjoy the fresh air, and then you get to come inside and have a hot shower and hot drink! There are very few things that I'd rather start the day with than skating on the lake. What are those things? Well at the top of my head would be cuddling with the woman I love or skating on the lake with other people haha. Clearly the good things in life involve hockey or the love of a woman haha. God is so good! People don't like winter because of the weather, but once you embrace the beauty of it and all the things you can do because of the weather, winter is an awesome season!
QUOTE of the POST:
Told this to my buddy AR today because we were talking about relationships. It's cute and true.
"Love is not finding someone to live with. It's finding someone you can't live without." - Rafael Ortiz
For me this woman would be a Proverbs 31 woman! haha
SONG of the POST:
Even though there is little to no chance, I still wonder if there is anything left from what happened between SM and I. Even though we have not been in each others life for 5 months now, I still think of her and pray for her because that is who I am. When I do think of her, I sometimes wonder if she still thinks of me. It's out of my control so the Lord's will be done. Good song though none the less. Got to love duet bands because it is just a nice sound when a guy and girl sing together.
Well I think that is enough for today eh? Comment and let me know what you think! Good or bad, it's all appreciated!
All the best and God bless,
John
