1. I am so ashamed and disappointed in myself. Some of the conversations I had with people disgust me because the things I said and thought should not have come from a Christian's mind and I am so glad God has changed my heart and mind. "Who I am hates who I've been" for sure and it pains me to know that I was that way for so long and I could have been so much more by now if I didn't go down the paths I did.
2. I truly miss the friendship I had with my ex-girlfriend SM. I'll explain shortly
3. I was such a hopeless flirt haha. I always thought I was just being friendly because I would flirt with no intentions of dating but just to have fun and maybe make girls smile. I also had no game haha.
Anywho, one thing I did this past week was that I read through all of my MSN history with my ex SM from our first year university all the way up to August 2009 and it was so neat to see our friendship progress. After reading all of it I truly realized the friendship I lost with SM. After the break up I have gone over the good time of us dating as well as the times I could remember when we were friends before dating. But now I have had so many memories and experiences we shared come back to me and it is sad to see that SM and I are no longer friends. It our conversations were cute though. The back and forth of "what's up" and "how was your day/weekend?" and my occasional flirting and her story telling of things that happened in her life. What was remarkable was how close we became over the couple of years. We would support each other spiritually by praying for each other and sharing fears and thoughts and I really appreciated that. We were so comfortable to talk to each other about our faith and our lives. She was one of my best friends without a doubt. It was for all these reasons that I decided I wanted to date her even though I may not have been ready spiritually to do so.
There are also so many memories and inside jokes that came up while I read our history:
1. SM calling me a jerkface, stomping her feet, and her "grunt". The grunt was a personal favorite. If you ever got to hear and see her doing it, it is priceless. So funny and cute.
2. Our Revelations bible study that we tried to do in 1st year and keep up over the summer. At least I finished the Book over the summer haha
3. Being there for her through her relationship with JB (not Justin Beiber haha). It was funny to read how they started dating and how happy she was to start dating him and how mad she was after they broke up. I was so happy to be there for her when she needed to rant or talk. I'm always glad to help my friends and I was glad she was comfortable to come to me for support.
4. Our group camping trip in 2nd year at our buddy DL's house. Good times!
5. Our skype chats. Thanks SM for introducing me to skype.
Well I'm sure there is more to write about but it is getting late and I need to sleep. The only thing I'm sure of at this moment in time is that I miss my friendship with SM. The unknown future for us as friends or something more or whether I'm over her or not is all up in the air to me but like I said, the only thing I am sure of is that I miss our friendship. We became best friends and I threw it all away wanting a girlfriend and I was happy with her but unfortunately I made too many mistakes and broke her heart that she wanted me out of her life indefinitely which is the hardest thing to deal with. This won't be the last time I talk about SM since I have so much to say but thanks for reading.
Verse of the Post:
Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. -2 Timothy 2:22
This verse came out of our conversation as we were talking and I really wish I practiced what I preached. In our conversations I would sound so wise but remembering back and seeing other message histories I clearly was being foolish. I was so happy for SM who kept me accountable and was such a great great Christian friend.
Song of the Post:
My girl T-Swift has so many good songs that can relate to SM and I's relationship and experiences so I thought "Fine, I'll pick one". I could easily make a playlist of songs that I have felt an attachment to since the break up (comment and I will do so!). So here is one. Actually the title of this post is one that is fitting but everyone has heard it. The one I chose I've related to pretty well and it is well done. It is a great cover of White Horse by Taylor Swift.
All the best and God bless!
John
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